Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Dumb Questions
It has been said that the only dumb question is the one that is not asked, I beg to differ. This is from the Weather Channel.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Today
I called the Suicide Hotline and got a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was thinking about suicide and they got all excited and asked me if I could drive a truck.
Christmas Traditions
Santa was having a bad day. Maybe the worst day of his long life. It was a couple days before Christmas and he could not see how he was going to get all the gifts delivered.
The elves were trying to unionize and had a work slowdown going so they were way behind on making the toys. Some of his suppliers were having trouble shipping the raw materials he needed and this was exacerbating the problem. The reindeer were sick with head colds and Rudolf could not get his nose to shine at all so Santa was looking at the possibility of flying with no navigation. Mrs Clause kept nagging him because he had not finished the decorating.
Finally about 5 that evening Santa had had enough. He went into his living room and poured himself a large scotch and settled into his easy chair to relax with his pipe and glass. He had barely taken a sip when a little angel stuck her head through the doorway and cheerfully said "Santa, I have your Christmas tree here, where should I put it?"
And that boys and girls is why we always have an angel on top of our Christmas trees.
The elves were trying to unionize and had a work slowdown going so they were way behind on making the toys. Some of his suppliers were having trouble shipping the raw materials he needed and this was exacerbating the problem. The reindeer were sick with head colds and Rudolf could not get his nose to shine at all so Santa was looking at the possibility of flying with no navigation. Mrs Clause kept nagging him because he had not finished the decorating.
Finally about 5 that evening Santa had had enough. He went into his living room and poured himself a large scotch and settled into his easy chair to relax with his pipe and glass. He had barely taken a sip when a little angel stuck her head through the doorway and cheerfully said "Santa, I have your Christmas tree here, where should I put it?"
And that boys and girls is why we always have an angel on top of our Christmas trees.
Duck Tales
This duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, "Do you have any grapes?"
The clerk says no, and the duck leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Do you have any grapes?"
The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves.
The day after that, the duck walks in the store again and asks "Do you have any grapes?"
The clerk screams at the duck, "You've come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told you no every time that we don't have any grapes! I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!"
The duck left, and returned the next day. This time he asked, "Do you have any nails?"
The clerk replied, "No,"
and the duck said, "Good! Got any grapes?"
The clerk says no, and the duck leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Do you have any grapes?"
The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves.
The day after that, the duck walks in the store again and asks "Do you have any grapes?"
The clerk screams at the duck, "You've come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told you no every time that we don't have any grapes! I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!"
The duck left, and returned the next day. This time he asked, "Do you have any nails?"
The clerk replied, "No,"
and the duck said, "Good! Got any grapes?"
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